O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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