it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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