ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
