Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
