you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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