My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
