dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
