I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
