Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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