i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
