i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
3 2 1 whiskey
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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