I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize