I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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