You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
