I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
