can we get nightvision for the apartment?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
