By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
