I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
