I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
