you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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