How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
