Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
