WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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