Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
