He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
