i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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