I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
