Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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