Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Green mimosas i think yes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
