I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
