I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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