Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
