Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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