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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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