It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
