i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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