boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I sprained my soul last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
