i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
