Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
