If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
