i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
