I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
