what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
