For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
