Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
