update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
