and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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