I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you never un-have a 4some
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
