I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
