You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
