your room smells of hookers.
And success
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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