It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
