i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
