I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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