So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
