Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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