i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
