fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
