I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This show inspires me to have sex in space
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
