Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
