Just fell off a train. Bad.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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