i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
