To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
