Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My balls are so social today.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
