You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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