im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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