u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
