I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
