He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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