the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
