At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
