May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
