Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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